I have been thinking some about love recently (for those of you that know me at all well, this should not be a surprise in the least – it is often on my mind in some way or another). I won’t claim profound realizations or anything of the sort, but there is one thing that I do want to say.
In the past, when thinking about or confronting my feelings, there was this tendency for me to think of them as complicated, multi-faceted and layered, something that would take a while to explain (and therefore, hopefully, save me the trouble or risk of having to). But that? That’s bullshit.
Love is not complicated. It is simple, straightforward, and undeniable. It gives zero shits about your fears, the circumstances of your life, or whatever hang-ups you may have. It just is.
That’s not to say that relationships aren’t complicated. Oh dear god they can be, for all the reasons that don’t apply to love. Even our reaction to our feelings can be complicated; we can be scared, excited, in denial, and hopeful, all at the same time. We can be haunted by how things have gone wrong before while at the same time day dreaming of what might be.
But you can’t bargain your way out of love (or at least I know I can’t). You can’t reason with it, you can’t redirect it, and you can’t turn it off just because you’re scared. Why? Because love is like the honey badger: it doesn’t give a shit.
So what is the take away? What does this mean? Hell, I won’t even pretend to have all the answers, but I can at least give a bit of advice: don’t argue with love. It wants what it wants, and you can’t control that. You can certainly control your reaction, and just because you’re in love with someone who shoots heroin into his eyeballs and then punches walls doesn’t mean that you should be or stay with them (you shouldn’t (really)). But waiting until you’re out of love to leave, or trying to talk yourself out of love, won’t work; you have to act in spite of love, not to oppose it.
I also think life is short, love is meant to be shared, and that your fears are just hurdles to be overcome to get what you want. But that’s just my way; you may have a different way that works for you (as long as it’s not arguing with the honey badger of love).