Not Much of a Writer

I’m not feeling like much of a writer tonight.  I’m not sure what spark is missing, but I’m not feeling that connection to the story pool.

All of my ideas, as much as I kind of like them, I don’t have that passion for that can drive me to write incessantly, to get the story out.  I find my characters uninteresting, or the problem lame, or the world flat and unresponsive.

My recent failed attempt at editing is probably not helping this mood (which has been on my mind most of the month, if I’m to be honest).  A story that I enjoyed is going to take more work than I think it is worth to fix.  My vision as a writer and what the story needs were world apart.

So now I come back to a story I have started twice, and am trying to start again, and it’s like racing uphill.  Short bursts of activity, but then I get bogged down and tired of it, and wander off for a while.

I want that feeling of creation back.  Of bringing a story, an idea, into the world that has never been there before, and having it be good.  Having it count for something, to mean something.

And all my attempts at motivation myself right now will probably fall flat because of that.  I need to figure out this existential writing crisis, because I don’t like not being productive when I know I could be, if only… [fill in the blank]

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