There is no love quite like our first love. We come into with expectations, dozens of expectations of exactly how it will go and what will happen. It will be magical, just like the movies and the books that have shape our world view on it. Our love will be true, and deep, and full of passion, and everything will come out well in the end.
And then it happens. That first time, and it’s never exactly what we thought. We’re disappointed, not because what we found is bad, but because it doesn’t meet our vaunted expectations. We think everything should be easy simply because we’re in love, and that things should fall into place. After all, that’s what we read.
As it turns out, it’s hard work. There are parts that just don’t fit right, and habits that creep in that shouldn’t be there at all. There is passion, but layered under such naivity as to be overwhelming, and sometimes we lose our love because of that alone.
But we never forget, do we? In the back of our minds, in the back of our hearts, we always remember our first completed novel, the first one that we were able to write “THE END” on. And it never turned out like we wanted, but that doesn’t necessarily make it bad. Just young.
I’ve been reading some about writing (as one of my goals for the year, in taking this seriously – I want to do my best to arm myself with knowledge that other people had to learn the hard way), and I’m considering going back to my first novel, the one that I wrote just over three years ago.
Yes, that long ago, and maybe not that long ago at the same time. I’ve written a lot since then (over a million words), and hopefully grown as an author. That work has never really left me, never really been far from my thoughts, even if just the ghost of it.
And now I’m considering going back. Scrubbing the first rewrite of Survivors for a rewrite of this instead. I have my reasons (mostly that, since Survivors is multi-perspective, it has a lot more challenge to it), but part of me also just wants to.
So, we’ll see. It would be a change in the schedule for the year, but I think treating this as a trial run for serious editing and thinking could help my second draft of Survivors be that much stronger at the same time.
Which am I going to do? I dunno. I guess we shall see soon!