I recently read a book, called Anna Dressed in Blood, which was quite excellent. One of the characters stuck with me, though (the titular Anna), and one of the quotes about her.
Oh, as an aside here, she’s a murderous ghost that rips apart anyone who comes into her house.
“Her strength makes her vulnerability more touching.”
No, this isn’t me saying that I want to date psychos (anymore at least), but I like the sentiment behind it. What I actually want to talk about now, though, isn’t strength but independence, and how it relates to love.
I don’t want to date someone that needs me. I’ve been needed before, that kind of reliance (that kind of pressure of having someone else’s mind and emotional well being in my hands), and I would much rather not do that. It can work for some relationships, but not so much for mine.
I want someone who is independent. I want someone who wants to be with me, not someone who needs to be with me. I want that kind of connection, but entirely voluntarily. I think, then, it means more, when it is totally unnecessary.
Also, being able to have my own space from her, to be able to have time to myself is nice.
I’m not going to tell you that this is how you should be; this isn’t how I work. I don’t try to live other people’s lives for them. But I am a rather independent person, and want to be with someone who is just as independent as I am. And when she is able to be close to me, and I am to her, it will mean more because she doesn’t need it.
So that’s what I guess I am looking for. Closeness that means more because she is usually more distant, and with me she doesn’t have to be. Independence is still allowed and encouraged, even required.
So yeah. “Her strength makes her vulnerability more touching.”