To lead with, two quotes to get you prepared for this entry. Both are from a female friend of mine:
“boys at that age were stupid and smelly. the defense was my hero.”
“I distinctly remember getting goofy grins during goal line stands.”
And now, more to the point. I’m going to take the traditional wedding vows and…modify them a bit. For football.
“I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband/fan), to have and to hold from this day forward (as long as the game is not on), for better (when we’re winning) or for worse (don’t talk to me when we’re losing), for richer (the championships), for poorer (the years we don’t talk about), in sickness (NCAA sanctions) and in health (#1 recruiting class), to love and to cherish (and cheer for); from this day forward until death do us part (fuck orange). ”
This entry doesn’t have a point other than that football is serious business (clearly as important as love), and orange is not to be tolerated.
I also have to find a way to work the phrase “brobdingnagian brainboners” into the vows. I’m just not sure how yet.